Hi, My name is…

Photo by Masaaki Komori on Unsplash

Let me introduce myself:

Hi, I’m a grateful believer in our Lord and King Jesus Christ. I’m in recovery for codependency and abuse, and I struggle with doubt, fear, rebellion, chronic pain, neuropathy, control and pride. My name is Keri.

This week, while getting my kiddos packed up for a week away with grandparents, I mumbled under my breath “This child will do anything to not listen!” As soon as the words rolled off my lips, the Holy Spirit convicted me. I, like my son in that moment, will do anything to avoid being obedient to our Lord. I am full of excuses, love creature comforts, am addicted to sugar and (Lord forgive me) have been putting this project off for 3 YEARS. This month, I’m wrestling with realizing I can’t try to save my life (preserve my convenience, comfort, ease and relative affluence) if I’m going to serve the Lord. I can’t serve both God and myself. (Exodus 20:3 “You shall have no other Gods before me.”; Luke 9:24 “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.”).

In my life, sanctification comes through parenting, recovery and chronic illness. God is helping me learn my true name, my identity in Him, trust others and build loving community. With abundant grace and goodness, He is showing me that if I submit to him, humble myself before Him, he will break my chains and lift me up from the muck and mire I’m accustomed to swimming in (James 4:10). Since getting into recovery and diagnosed with chronic illnesses, God is proving again and again His strength in my weakness, my fragility, my flaws. I want to approach our Lord like a child- with humility, trust and joy. I want to make Him happy (at least, I want to want to make Him happy). Most days, it (recovery, refusing to shrink myself, trying to become more like Christ) feels daunting and scary. I remind myself: My God is ONLY FAITHFUL AND ONLY GOOD, and I never walk alone.

My dream for this project started in 2019. For now, I’m trying to be brave and at least put myself out there. There are dreams, visions and hopes for what this project COULD be. But, in recovery, we are taught to live one day at a time, one moment at a time. Today, I’m taking the steps I can: Publishing this website though I feel like throwing up, stating an intentional and a dream without an inkling on how to get started. In short, getting started now. Because if not now, then when?

I hope you’ll come back, and read the next post (and the one after that). And if you made it this far, thanks for hanging in!

Love you, friends.